Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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