y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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