I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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