Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
