I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
