Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
