I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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