my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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