I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need to sanitize my soul.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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