I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
