I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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