that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
