Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
