my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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