The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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