Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
