oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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