you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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