U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
