i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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