What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
