Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
