my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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