Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
