Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
