the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
