would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
