I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
