Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
