don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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