I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
