just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
