get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
