I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
