hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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