from now on my penis is your penis
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
