Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
