M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
