Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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