Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
