so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
