so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
