My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
