Ambien. No doubt about it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
