please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
