He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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