i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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