I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
