Sponge bath it is.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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