yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
