I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
