As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
