I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I understand Curling. That high.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
